Because of You
by one two buckle my shoe
Summary: Chase reminises.... Songfic based on Kelly Clarkson's Because of You


Disclaimer: I do not own House M.D. or the song Because of You, by Kelly Clarkson.

Please review.

_**Because of You…..**_

_I will not make the same mistakes that you did  
I will not let myself  
Cause my heart so much misery  
I will not break the way you did,  
You fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way  
To never let it get that far_

"Mum?"

The young, fifteen year old boy sat next to his mother's hospital bed holding her hand tightly in his own. Just last night he had come home from school to find his mother passed out on the couch with a bottle of gin on the table next to her but unlike other times, she hadn't been breathing.

"Mum, why did you do this?" He whispered, burying his tear streaked face in his arms.

He knew that she wouldn't answer him. He didn't know it yet, but the doctors were just coming to tell him that his mother had liver cancer and that she would die in the next few days because she had gone so long without getting it treated that there was no longer anything that anyone could do. He would find out that his mother's precious alcohol had killed her. The doctors would tell him that his mother wouldn't even wake up for him to say goodbye. She had killed herself; slowly but surely.

_Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid_

"Come on, Chase," Cameron said, "What is wrong with you, stop being such a baby."

The young man, now twenty six looked up at his three co-workers. Two were looking at him as though he were, indeed, being a baby, while the eldest and crippled one was looking at him with a mix between amusement and understanding.

"One beer isn't going to kill you," Foreman added, pushing the beer towards Chase, who pushed it back.

"But one leads to another and the next thing you know you're addicted, and _that_ could kill you." He replied coldly.

He could open up, he could tell them that there was a reason that he refused to drink, but he didn't trust them. He didn't trust that they wouldn't use it to their own sick advantage. Without another word said, Chase paid the bartender for the ginger ale that he had drunk and left the bar.

_I lose my way  
And it's not too long before you point it out  
I cannot cry  
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes  
I'm forced to fake  
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life  
My heart can't possibly break  
When it wasn't even whole to start with_

"I don't care if you think that you want to be a priest, you're going to medical school."

Robbie Chase was sixteen years old and had just graduated from high school. His mother had passed away a year ago and he had lived by himself in their house before his father made a visit to talk about Chase going into medicine.

"Do you not get that I don't want to be a doctor?" Robbie said sadly. He could barely even bring emotion into his voice anymore, just once and a while.

"You will find out soon enough that this is what's best for you." Rowan Chase snapped at his only son.

"You left six years ago and you didn't care what happened to me or mum, so why do you all of a sudden want to run my life?" Robbie asked.

"I decided that you were to become a doctor when you were a baby," Rowan said, "And I will not back down."

Robbie gave up. He would give in; he would drop out of seminary school: the one thing that he _truly _wanted and believed in. His father had won, and his heart just became a little bit more numb as he whispered, "I hate you."

_Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid_

**Amelie Ann Joelle Jaress-Chase**

**Loving wife and mother**

**Devout Catholic **

**May she rest in peace**

Robbie looked at the headstone and couldn't help but think about how none of what was said was true. She wasn't a loving wife, and she certainly wasn't a loving mother. She was a Catholic but in the last few years of her life, he wasn't sure if she even remembered God at all. But he still wished that she would rest in peace. And he placed a bouquet of yellow lilies on her grave, her favourite, he remembered. And he whispered, "I love you," one last time.

_I watched you die  
I heard you cry every night in your sleep  
I was so young  
You should have known better than to lean on me  
You never thought of anyone else  
You just saw your pain  
And now I cry in the middle of the night  
For the same damn thing_

"Robbie, get mummy her gin," The woman said in a drunken stupor. She sat against the headboard of her bed and was looking at her young, twelve year old son, with crazy eyes.

"Mum, you've had enough for tonight," Robbie tried, as he sat down next to her. "Why don't we just get you changed and tuck you in to bed."

"Your father is a bastard!" Amelie said, looking at him in disgust, "You are just like him," And she slapped him hard across the face. "Why did he hate me, why did he leave me?" She started crying and Robbie reached out and hugged her.

"It's okay, mum," He whispered, just like he always did, "I will always be here, though, mum. I love you so much."

"What good are you?" She snapped, wiping her tears. "I'm sorry, baby. You're too good for me."

Robbie patted her back. He was used to her mood swings by now.

"_Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I try my hardest just to forget everything  
Because of you  
I don't know how to let anyone else in  
Because of you  
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty  
Because of you  
I am afraid_

Because of you  
Because of you"

Robert Chase walked into the conference room, an adult twenty-six year old and looked at his co-worker, Cameron, at her computer. Music was filtering through the speakers.

"What are you listening to?" He asked, as he couldn't hear it well enough to know what it was.

"Because of You by Kelly Clarkson," Cameron replied and started typing again. "I don't like it too much, it's a little unrealistic, I mean, nobody's life can be that bad." She huffed, shaking her head.

Chase nodded, feeling a whole new wave of numbness. "Yeah, it is," He whispered, as he sat down at his own desk and unlocked one of the drawers, pulling out a picture of a young, beautiful, blonde haired, blue-green eyed woman. "I love you," he whispered, before shutting the picture back in the drawer. He would see how long he could go without looking at it again. His record was five days.

HCHCHCHCHCHHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHHHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHHCHCHCHHCHCHCHCHHCHCHC

Okay, I really hoped that you liked it. I have always loved this song, and I thought that it kind of fit with Chase's experiences growing up. Please let me know what you think.


End file.
